BREAKFAST ALONE

October 21, 2010

7:58 am

I am really going through my “silent stage” in my life now. I find myself wanting and even looking forward to times when I can be alone by myself wherever I am – be it at home, in the locker room of the gym, on my way to work. I just feel more relaxed and at ease when I don’t have to talk, when I can either just go to sleep or just stare at things from afar. Take for example now, as in THIS VERY MOMENT.

I am now at Jollibee in Walter Mart, Pasong Tamo, Makati City. I am too early for my work at the Australian International School today so I decided to eat breakfast first before going to AIS. I actually enjoyed eating alone – me with my corned beef, friend rice, fried egg and hot chocolate drink.:-) After eating, I still didn’t feel like moving so I decided to write about my episodes today.

I also had time to read quietly in my seat the book “Inner Beauty At Home” by Dondi Catan and Didi Marañon. I also was able to read some newspaper articles that I had cut last week.

This is actually my first time to do this and in this place, of all places! But it sure feels so good! What makes it even more meaningful for me is that I was able to pray – small intentions, short conversations with God, just thanking Him for something and everything, someone and then everyone.

I repented of the fact that yesterday I resented Hernan for offering to take Mommy with us to Market Market. He was supposed to have a meeting with Carol Narciso and Tess Dela Paz of Jollibee. I asked him then if I could go with him to Global City so I could check out some belly belts as well as beads that I need for my belly dance bra that I am designing now. I thought to myself it would be a good time also to just sit down somewhere and just read a book while waiting for Hernan to finish his meeting. Then, biglang kasama na si Mommy!

Honestly, it was a burden for me because I felt I needed to take care of myself muna. I don’t want to “babysit” Mommy or anyone at this time. Besides, Hernan never told me that he was going to ask Mommy to come along! However, when he graciously and patiently explained to me why he thought of asking Mommy if she wanted to come with us, I took it to heart and understood. But deep inside, nandoon pa rin yung feeling na sana sa ibang araw na lang kasi kailangan ko talaga ngayon ang mapag-isa muna.

Anyway, we got there and Mommy and I started to walk. We were so slow because of her, but you know what? I actually enjoyed the slow walk, looking at items in a more deliberate, less hurried manner which I would NOT have done if I were alone. Lo and behold! We were able to buy new blouses for her, plus some Christmas gifts which she would like to give to some people. We were able also to buy some clothes for Ninang Mameng, her sister.

At around 6pm, we were so tired from all the walking we did but I could see that Mommy had enjoyed herself. In my heart, I was truly happy that I was with her. I know in my heart that God had intended for both of us to be together yesterday afternoon, if only to teach me to be patient with others. I also realized that God is training me to deal with and take care of “oldies” since I am surrounded by them at home, in Kamias, in my parish.

Lastly, I realized that even if I am at the silent stage of my life now, life still goes on for others around me. People will still need me. People will still need to talk to me. People will still need me to listen to them, be with them. I need to go out of my comfort zone and reach out to those in need of my “quiet presence.” At least now, I know that I have a “quiet corner in my heart to go home to” anytime I need to be quiet by myself.

I was tired, yes, but my heart was joyful. Oh, by the way, I received some blessings – Mommy bought me two beautiful belly belts as a gift! Wow! Thank You, Lord!!! :-)